Honeymoon Period? This makes no sense!

Branded the ‘silly season’ by politicians, December and January is largely the ‘sacking season’ in the Premier League as nervous owners have their hands forced by fans, media and, ultimately, results.

With January the only chance a struggling club has to directly change playing personnel during the season, it offers clubs the chance to replace a manager in time for the incumbent to go out and purchase the players he feels will help an ailing situation.

Don’t act, and owners face the prospect of sitting on their hands as their beloved club gets relegated, misses out on a European place or even fails to land the title. Act after January and owners face the prospect of replacing a manager with no possibility of financially backing the new one – a very risky prospect as the players already at the club are surely worth some of the blame.

However, it is generally assumed that new managers enjoy a ‘Honeymoon Period’ where results and performances, for no apparent reason other than a new man in the dugout, dramatically improve in the short term.

This can have drastic effects when achieved by a club suffering near the foot of the table, as it is usually only a handful of points between the bottom half dozen or so teams come January, and is another key factor in the timing and reason of dismissal.

So Liverpool have gambled on this honeymoon theory – as well as allowing Kenny Dalglish a pop at the transfer window - in sacking Roy Hodgson, hoping that Dalglish can come in and immediately improve their admittedly dismal performances and results of late.

But is this possible? Do players improve when a manager flies in to save a club? If so, why? Surely it can only be a sign of mental weakness on the players part, an ineptitude underlined by the apparent drastic change in fortunes – even if the new manager makes changes to the personnel on the pitch, it can’t be hugely different at the immediate outset.

In the last two seasons, many clubs in the Premier League have changed their manager during a campaign, thus encountering an opportunity for players to drastically improve. Is there a link between their immediate results post-sacking?

First up, in November last season, Paul Hart was sacked as manager of Portsmouth. With the club struggling desperately, they turned to Avram Grant. Ultimately he failed to get the club out of the bottom three all season, but in fact, under his first 5 league games he achieved just under three times the points/game ratio which Pompey had under Hart up to that point. Hart had earned a point every two games but Grant’s first 5 games secured 7 points themselves.

Then in December last season, two managers lost their jobs: Gary Megson at Bolton was replaced by Owen Coyle; and Mark Hughes was replaced by Roberto Mancini at Manchester City.

Bolton’s immediate results barely changed, but at Eastlands Hughes exited with a very respectable 1.7 points per game, before Mancini achieved vastly more, securing 2.4 points per game in his first five league fixtures.

Hull waited until March before replacing Phil Brown with Iain Dowie, but there was no change in their fortunes. So two managers last season made drastic improvements, while two made no immediate effect.

During the summer there were obviously management changes but the ‘Honeymoon Period’ argument would not work if the manager was given lengthy time to train with his side and portray his visions.

So the first one this season worth looking at came at the eve of the season’s start, when Martin O’Neill walked out on Aston Villa.

Villa then earned 1.4 points per game under Kevin MacDonald before the permanent position was filled by Gerard Houllier, who came in and won just five points from his first five league games, a substantial reduction.

Then in December, Newcastle amazingly fired Christ Hughton, after he had won 1.18 points per game since August. But in replacing him with Alan Pardew, Newcastle actually managed to net 1.8 points per game in his opening five league fixtures.

Blackburn, not to be outdone by this Honeymoon tactic, fired Sam Allardyce – who had averaged just over a point a game – replacing him with Steve Kean, who managed to earn 1.4 points per game in the short term.

That’s two out of three this season who have had fairly large immediate improvements on results. Four out of the seven management changes listed were ‘succesful’ in the short term, two made no difference, and only one went sour – that of Houllier at Villa.

Should Liverpool excel in their first five games under Dalglish so, do not get too carried away, as by that theory, they probably would have done well under Steve Staunton!

Why I fell on the snow:

Because it was very, very slippy.

In my defence, I couldn't stop laughing.

I then helped an elderly man cross the road - he hadn't seen my horizontal date with the white ground on moments earlier...

Snow day

Starting with a late start, the look of frozen white stuff in the dodgy alley behind my dodgy apartment neither pleased nor irritated me on Saturday morning.

I'm not in school, so I didn't think of a day off, and unfortunately if I don't work I don't get those euros that the newspeoples are all on about.

So off towards work, hangover in tow, following a heavy-duty narcotic-filled poker night which saw me end 3e down after 6 hours of play. However, considering I won the last hand of 9e, I considered it a victory - much like a child who has been beaten up by a bully, but then sees a grown-up fall over on the footpath.

Incidently, a lot of grown-ups are falling over on footpaths. Despite being wrapped up like stylish Scandanavians, it is impossible to ignore the walking styles of Dubliners. They walk in snow the same way I reckon Ryan Turbridy chases a football. Rigid, constantly aware that the everyone around is an enemy, and absolutely terrified of the ground that usually aids footing.

Working in Dundrum now, it's nice to see how the other half live. I thought the other half lived in Ballsbridge, but I saw a beggar there last week so obviously not. They, in fact, live in Dundrum. For those who haven't been, Dundrum shopping centre is a nightmare of incestual proportions.

Walking around the centre is like playing a computer game that everyone else has cleared, but playing it for the first time, having seen or read nothing of it, after having your hands eaten off by a giant beetle.

And to make matters worse, Dundrumians were unaware of the march in Dublin, which is where I thought everyone was, alas not.

Hangover work was followed by drinking back in town. Heavy duty, it featured a snow fight, an unfortunate failure to summon up urine for a piss in the snow, my warm snood, alot of shots, and flagging a lift for the last 100 yards to my apartment.

Sunday was remarkably similar - although it included militiant snowballers marauding the demilitarized zone around Parnell Street - but unfortunately I had to work in the rough Ballsbridge, I miss when it was the better half...

Context

Yesterday's news and net was dominated with Brian Cowen's performance - or lack thereof - on Morning Ireland just before 9am. Critics said he was under the influence, defendants said it's a medical condition. Either way, people missed the point.

If (a) he was drunk, he did quite a good job answering questions as he does when sober. Reeling of never ending sentences which covered all bland aspects of all bland answers, Cowen committed to nothing other than vocalising what none of us were thinking. If (b) it's a medical condition, then, again, he did a grand job.

This is highlighting the lack of substance in a man who leads this country, of that I am happy, but it is taking a while for people to realise this. The public can't wash their hands of this at all.

FF are doomed we are told, they haven't a chance in the next elections. They will be wiped out as someone, anyone, else takes the hot-seat. But we've been here before...and people have voted in FF in worrying times before.

Bertie Ahern was on the receiving end of a spanking in a much covered tribunal during the last General Election, yet FF support held out well. Imminently there were critics of the government, of the man, of the party.

Then, along with the global recession, came Bertie's resignation, corporate and state funded scandals, and doom and misery for the public. Michael Foley spoke on Newstalk today about how ridiculous the jargon from politicians is, FF in particular, as they say nothing and expect respect for that. So people should rise up, things should change, yea?

'Immediate General Election'? No.

Why do people deserve another chance to make a mistake. I am not a FF voter, not one bit, but I fully respect the rules. If they are voted in, they stay in. We can't just boot them because we listen to a different news source, or even listen to any news source. Their reign serves as an example of the ridiculous voting in Ireland.

Idiots run this country because idiots voted them in. And vote them in. The scandals that have followed FF, at the highest levels, have all added to their charm amongst the public. Charlie Haughey, what a man, helping out the resistance. Bertie, sure he's a nice guy who was going through tough times, Cowen, sure who can't enjoy a drink.


People are missing the point.  It's not Fianna Fail's fault, it's the electorate's.

Book Burnin' Boyos

Alot has been written this week about 'dem der christians burning the sacred, holy, beautiful, fantastic, hallowed....infamous Qur'an.

It seems to be a general consensus that these Americanised Christians are making a mistake. One might argue, 'they are not allowed to do something so aggressive, disgusting, morbid and - excuse the pun - inflammatory'.

The general consensus is both right and wrong. It's right in that this is an inflamed atmosphere...and that's just talking about the non-event. But also, and importantly, it is wrong because these Americans can burn the books if they want.

There is no logic behind banning the burning of materials, assuming the correct license and permission is granted by whoever the local authority is and assuming the actual burning of the books doesn't cause direct harm on the community. (I mean 'harm' as in direct fire, fumes, gasses etc)

To stop them doing this, pandering to the worries and fear of a united Islamic world rising up aghast at Americas sinning, is stupid. It is a book, made of man-made materials, written by man, recounted by man and dreamt up by man. Burn it, it doesn't matter.

The only problem I have with this though, is it gives the idiotic Christians in question a 'victory' in their 'struggle' against Islam. Of that I almost can't bear. They are idiots. I would champion their right to do this, but their intentions are so ridiculous that I can't bring myself to type the words just yet.

Why on earth they'd spend their evening burning books is beyond me - they are obviously mental. Why they are seeking fame in this activity is also beyond me. If this is righteous and in Gods will, then shut the fuck up and do it on the quiet. He's still watching, isn't he?

Personally I'm a football fan. I love the game, the rules, the players, everything. I support a team in one area of the world, elsewhere the rules are adhered to mildly differently and fans like that way just as much as I mine. I watch enough football, or even sport for that matter, to fill many a session in mass.

But, if a bunch of sheep listened to a dick in a black robe say burn the basic rules to football, or the olympic games registration rulebook, I wouldn't give a shit. I'd think they're mental, sure, but I wouldn't give a shit. It wouldn't change the rules...

Leave them too it, while they spend their time doing this for the greater good, I know deep down that I am furthering my species through basic socialising and activities while they regress and listen to all the answers to all the hard questions come from a convenient, idiotic, boring and very haphazard series of accounts from two millenia ago.

The argument on the radio waves over here in Ireland boils down to 'texters' complaining about pundits lack of knowledge of the Qur-an when treating this topic. While occassionally relevant, this point is mute right now. The knowledge of that book is irrelevant in this situation. For those who think it's a blood curdling account of Arabian butchery of Christians, you are wrong. For anyone saying it is the most beautiful thing ever written, you are also wrong. (Paul McGrath's autobiography wins that contest hands down). It. Is. A. Book.

Ugh, I'm going to say it. The American Christians are right. They are muppets for even considering this, but once they got the fame they were never going to back down now were they.

Boys out of Green

Ireland are all set to kick-off their European Championship 2012 campaign on Friday against Armenia, before bringing Andorra to the Aviva for the first competitive home game at the new stadium this Tuesday.

Here, I look at some of the higher-profile players who have not been included in the squad for one reason or another.

Jon Walters (Stoke City)

Walters has been generally excellent in the Championship for Ipswich over the past few years, winning Player of the Year once at the club during his spell there. Since his move to Stoke, Walters name has been whispered quite a lot in the build up to the latest squad selection, but the tough striker was left out.

Having played for the Ireland ‘B’ squad already he is certainly on the radar, with the Irish assistant coach Marco Tardelli noting that they had considered Walters for the double header.

“We will take another look at him when he plays for Stoke but now is not the time to bring him in,” said Tardelli recently, citing the winter friendlies as a better time to introduce new blood.

James McCarthy (Wigan Athletic)

The diminutive midfielder has had a pretty impressive career to date. Attracting rumoured interest from all over Britain when playing for Hamilton Academical, McCarthy made the rather sensible move to Wigan back in 2009.

After initially struggling to break into the team, McCarthy emerged as a central figure for the Latics – notably playing Steven Gerrard off the park when Wigan beat a travelling Liverpool side late last season.

McCarthy made his debut for Ireland against Brazil earlier this year. However, he missed out on the May friendlies, citing exhaustion as the reason, and has since been absent from the first-team set-up. Currently strutting his stuff for the Under-21s

Stephen Ireland (Aston Villa)

Ireland is considered as one of the most talented Irish around at the moment. His ability to create headlines has attracted the derision and bile of the Irish public, sold thousands of newspapers and isolated him from perhaps 75% of Irish fans.

With six caps and four goals, it is disappointing that such a talent is unavailable.

Yet not once called into question is the consistent, tiring, and generally demeaningly-excessive questioning on a subject which he rightly and perhaps reasonably considers as ‘closed’.

Ireland enjoyed a fine start to his career at Manchester City, notably winning the Senior Player of the Year Award in 2009. However, following the extravagant spending at Eastlands, Ireland saw his chances at the club disappear and has recently moved to Aston Villa.

Andy Reid (Sunderland)

Reid is another creative midfielder currently unavailable to the Irish selectors. A combination of injury and reputation has unfortunately put paid to his Irish career.

Reid has 27 caps for Ireland and has seen his career rise and fall on several occasions. After emerging, starring and being overpriced at Nottingham Forest, Reid eventually made the move to Tottenham Hotspur in 2005. From there he went to nearby Charlton Athletic before being signed by Sunderland.

Highly regarded in the Irish press – for close to a year heralded as the Great Irish Hope for reasons best explained as ‘selling papers’ – Reid’s career has certainly improved at Sunderland, even if his injuries have not.

Seamus Coleman (Everton)

A product of the League of Ireland, Coleman began his career with Sligo Rovers in 2006. Making the move to Everton, Coleman’s home debut saw him start on the bench yet finish as Man of the Match following his excellent performance – and his hand in both Toffees’ goals against Spurs.

Coleman spent a spell at Championship side Blackpool in the second half of last season, helping them to a promotion to the Premier League. Having signed a contract extension with Everton, and staying with the Merseyside club for this season, great things are expected of this full-back – and Ireland are lacking in that position. Along with McCarthy, Coleman is in the Under-21s

Futility of the 'News'

Today the Stig was unveiled on newswires due to a courtcase between BBC and a publishing company, in connection with Ben Collins revealing himself as the Stig.

There is something all too depressing about the all too depressing need for all too depressing news. There is zero value in revealing this to the world. Zero.

It is merely everyone being bad sports. But this is nothing new.

Look at the coverage of the Most Evil Irishman Ever, Stephen Ireland. Every week there are reports of his current stance on the Ireland squad. Usually 2/3 pages per paper, per week, are dedicated to this lad and why it's a moral sin that he doesn't want to wear a green t-shirt and boot a ball around with players he probably doesn't like.

People on the street complain about why he's always banging on about not playing, he should 'just shut up', the public are 'sick of it'.

Wrong, the public are not sick of Stephen Ireland, they are merely mis-informed. What they are, or should be, sick of, is the relentless coverage this gets. This is not 'just reporting the news' as Editors no doubt claim, this is 'making' news, needlessly, with zero public gain. Again, zero. The lad is asked questions, dozens a day, if he answers one in a hundred, it is printed, reprinted, re-edited and re-analysed so much so that it almost looks like he rings up newspapers for a lil chat.

Doubtful.

Take a step back, and realise who you should really be sick of...